Friday, May 30, 2008

Blogging From The Skies (Almost & Literally)

Am waiting at the Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport in Mumbai. It's currently 7.00 PM and I have a 10.30 PM flight to catch to Mumbai. Yes, I know...I finished my meeting early and didn't have the foresight to book a flight at a more reasonable time. But, because of a couple of things - the uncertainty of the end of the meeting and the Gujjar agitation in Delhi, I thought that it would be a safer bet to take the last flight out rather than take an early flight out and get stranded on the way back home in the Gujjar protests. Had quite an eventful day today. Was staying at the ITC Grand Central in Parel, where I chanced to literally have breakfast with the Chennai Super Kings. Had the good fortune to see Muralidharan, Balaji, Ntini (even had a brief chat with him in the elevator), a West Indian cricketer (whose name is on the tip of my fingers, but my mind fails me), Rudi Koertzen, Gony, Gopinath, and a couple of other players. It was quite late for them considering that I ate breakfast at almost 10 AM. They are very different in person and on the field. Ntini is always the crowd puller with his crazy comments and jovial nature. Muralidharan is always all smiles, be it while bowling or while gorging on idlis. Quite an experience I must say.

It's been quite some time since I have been sitting here after enjoying some Vegetarian Roll at Balaji Sweets and being poorer by 50 bucks. Have quite a day lined up tomorrow as well. My wife is traveling to Mumbai. Ironical that today I leave Mumbai and tomorrow, she gets here. My parents are expected to reach Delhi; have quite a few meetings (4 in all) to attend, of which 2 are interviews, 1 is a client visit, and the last one is a complete waste of time. I am constantly hoping against hope that I will see an actor/actress from Bollywood will cross my path and I hope to be noticed and offered a 'break' in their next. ha!

Mumbai has this weird feeling associated with it. It's a terribly dirty city, filled with shanties and jhuggies, traffic all around, loud sounds, hot and humid weather, etc., and yet - this place has a certain charm about it. The buzz in the city is addictive and the warmth that people express is overwhelming. Yes - this city is infested with over-metrosexual men (if you know what I mean), but they keep their distance. There's a certain feel and soul to the city. The sharp contrasts of societal differences virtually nullified in the busy trains of Mumbai where Mercedes and bicycle owners hanging by the last piece of metal they can find in the trains. This city is a great leveler and that's what I love about it. It has plenty of spunk, glamour, charm, and pragmatism feel about it. Although I would think twice before living here, considering the real estate prices here, this city pulls me towards it like no other. Maybe, some day...let's hope a well-wisher or a crazy whacko decides to rent his 4 bedroom house in Colaba/Worli decides to give me his/her house for safekeeping and allows me to stay there as a caretaker for free. I would jump immediately at that opportunity, and in all fairness take extra special care of his place. Then again, it's all wishful thinking!

Need to get a reality check and pick up my boarding pass from the Kingfisher counter now. The lady was kind enough to block my seat when I walked in 3.5 hours prior to departure. I enjoy flying Kingfisher not only because they make you feel special, but also because of the entire feel associated with the experience of flying Kingfisher. Regarded as a poor man's Virgin, it's done well for itself here in India. Let's see how long they can keep this up. Their seats by far are the most comfortable for an economy class traveler in the Indian skies; their food is not stale, which is the biggest compliment any full carrier can get; their entertainment bouquet needs to be a little more prepped up. One annoying thing is when the air hostess announces that she's either coming to get the blankets (which I never ask for), or when she talks about the Kingfisher Club Experience, or when she announces that she's getting lunch/dinner, etc., and then goes on to announce the same thing again in a vernacular language - come on! I'm trying to watch something here. Don't bug me unless we are about to die or if I have won some sort of prize.

Time to get my boarding pass now (really!) and wait hopefully for either a starlet to pass by and give me a 'break' (the movie kind) and/or find my well-wishing free house-giver in Mumbai.

Until next time - Hef.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Are You A Gujjar Boy?

That's right. Are you one? If so, here - take this pass and become the most privileged class in the country. Are you kidding me?

It's difficult to fathom why anyone, let alone people of this caste making a hue and cry about not being granted Scheduled Cast/Scheduled Tribe status. Isn't that a form of discrimination in itself? A democratic/secular country is one that is not supposed to differentiate between it's citizens on the pretext of caste, religion, sex, blah blah blah... Why is this an exception then? Who is to blame for this fiasco?

Why don't these fellas invest their time in doing something more meaningful rather than protesting and creating a nuisance to overcome their wont of an SC/ST status? Surprisingly, these are the same people, who if granted this status will puff their chests out and roam the streets with swollen egos declaring to the country how they arm-twisted the Government to give them such a 'distinction'. Heck - I know MK Gandhi gave all these fellows the impetus and license to be recognized as 'Harijans', but as we Indians do with all other things in life, we decided to take matters in our own hands and demand of this status as our birthright and god-gifted opportunity to be granted preferential treatment by the governing bodies.

Nowadays, the richest Brahmin boy too has reduced himself to levels of getting a fake SC/ST certificate (which is available for a song) from any Municipal Corporation and take the certificate to their schools/colleges/prospective employers and 'demand' inclusion. Wake up. Here we are on one hand talking about going to space, growing affluency (and inflation rate), emerging as a superpower, and yet, we have these confused people roaming the dirty streets of our country?

You want to have quotas - fine...let these fellows be given the status of SC/ST. However, let them be denied the right to purchase tobacco or alcohol in any shape and form; get anything less than 70% in any field of studies once they have been given admission on the basis of their status; be given the chance to be treated as a special case only once in their life - whether it's on the education front, work front, or political front.

Why do we keep pampering and tolerating such inefficient humans and treat them as crippled members of their own special society year after year, decade after decade, century after century, and more importantly, human after human? Doesn't that make you or me a lesser priveleged class? Shouldn't we have special rights too in that case? Why them and why not us? This debate could go on forever if the Government and the Constitution do not come to their sense and abolish this entire ideology of SC/ST and privileged classes. It's a sham - an inconvenient for all, unfair to all, manipulative scam.

Don't just be a Gujjar boy for the benefits that come with it...be a self-respecting Gujjar boy and show the nation what your worth is!

Here's an interesting email that I came across some time ago - a little lame, but nevertheless, just shows the frustration that people go through when such things happen in the country:

"I think we should have job reservations in all the fields. I completely support the PM and all the politicians for promoting this. Let's initiate the reservation quota system with our cricket team. We should have 10 percent reservation for Muslims. 30 percent for OBC, SC/ST . Cricket rules should be modified accordingly.

The boundary circle should be reduced for an SC/ST player. The four hit by an OBC player should be considered as a six and a six hit by an OBC player should be counted as 8 runs. An OBC player scoring 60 runs should be declared as a century.

We should influence ICC and make rules so that pace bowlers should not bowl fast to our OBC players. Bowlers should bowl at a maximum speed of 80 km/ hour to an OBC player. Any delivery above this speed should be made invalid and should attract a penalty of 2 runs along with a free-hit.


We should also have reservations in Olympics. In the 100 meters race, an OBC player should be given a gold
medal if he runs 80 meters.


And what about reservations in Government jobs also - the obvious one. Let's recruit SC/ST and OBC pilots for aircrafts which carry ministers and politicians (that can really help the country...)


Ensure that only SC/ST and OBC doctors operate on ministers and other politicians.
(Another way of saving the country...)"

Wildlife, Humanity, and Television

Wildlife is fine, until humans decide to butt in. Battered by humans over the millennia, even today, it is the self-appointed preservationists who are adding to the damage their ancestors have caused to wildlife. I crave leave to expand later.

My first objection is to our humans’ definitions of “intelligence”, and closely allied is our way of trying to judge everybody and everything, by our own wonky standards. I was looking at a group of so-called scientists studying the intelligence level in monkeys. They had managed to procure a few hapless creatures to justify their own employment, but that’s another story. Monkeys were asked to put colored square pegs in square holes and round ones in round and triangular ones in triangular ones, and so on. The monkeys who were able to do it were labeled as ‘having the intelligence of a three-year-old human’. There was no mention about the monkeys who could not accomplish this Einsteinian feat (other futile exercises monkeys have been subjected to include finding a hidden marble, or pressing appropriate areas of a touch-screen), or who merely considered us humans too stupid to oblige by doing an act which was of no consequence to them.

Now, let’s examine the flip side.

Let’s have a group of monkeys catch hold of a few full-grown humans and put them to the test to see how well these humans can leap from tree to tree. Obviously, the humans will fail miserably, by monkey standards. Now, the monkeys should conclude that even as adults, humans do not possess the skills of even a baby monkey. Now, these scientists will argue that this would be a test of physical skill, as opposed to mental skill. OK. Let the most physically competent human athlete try and come even close to what a monkey can achieve in the branches. Similarly, are these scientists trying to say that trapeze artistes do not require any mental skills to perform their feats?

In short, we humans declare any species whose language or behaviour we can't understand as unintelligent. The fact is that we are too stupid to be able to understand them. They get along just fine without us, and have been doing so for millions of years before us; we can't get along without them - at the most elementary level, what will we do for food, if animals cease to exist in all their designated forms?!

We humans have ruthlessly destroyed most of the habitat of wild animals. We are responsible for their destruction – and we humans are such hypocrites (or, troubled by our consciences) that we are now declaring certain species as endangered and are trying to ‘protect’ them. To add insult to injury, our TV ads never talk about looking after animals for their love, but only so that we save ourselves from destruction if these animals are not allowed to perish. Oh, the selfish irony!

Again, there a such a lot of hype being created about preservation of wildlife and stopping cruelty to animals, but I think that’s reserved for the big cats, crocs, bears and other larger, or, more exotic animals. Else, what in the world can explain a large ear being grown on the back of a mouse? Or, other terrible drugs being tried out, legally and surreptitiously, on all kinds of animals, in the name of science? Luring killer sharks with decoys to measure the strength of their bite? How stupid can humans get?

It is said that cell phones carried near the heart (in the breast pocket) is harmful for humans. Aren't radio transmitters that are fitted to animals the same thing? Add to that the inconvenience of having something artificial strapped to an animal, especially in the wild, where every little bit counts for survival - I mean, most creatures have done away with unnecessary appendages not essential to their survival, if Darwin's theories have any bit of truth in them - why then burden the poor animals with a radio collar? Further, could not the radio signals be affecting the way they communicate or navigate, since many of the methods of communication between animals is unknown to us even now? The electricity and magnetism these collars would generate are sure to have some impact. Worst of all is that of late "critter-cams" have come into vogue. An even larger appendage and even more signals! These scientists claim to love and respect animals - what about the animals' rights to privacy? I say it's all hogwash. The truth is these scientists care more about their livelihoods than the "critters". And they go ahead and endanger the very lives they claim to have "reintroduced to the wild". I can't understand this kind of love.

If scientists wish to study animals, let them do it without interfering with them or handling them in any way. For all one knows, mass slaughter of animals may have been passed on from the hunters of yore to these scientists who are pretending to be concerned about nature and the planet. They will argue that the numbers of certain animals are increasing. Who has permitted these scientists to play this numbers game with nature? Fellas, their numbers are increasing not because of you, but in spite of you. Legislation that bans killing of wildlife is the only thing humans are capable of doing to help animals; let them make no mistake about their other imagined capabilities.

Monday, May 26, 2008

The Bigger Superstars

Yes, we've all heard about Amitabh's, Aamir's, Shahrukh's (this - as all other things are SRK - is nothing but a marketing exercise), and Salman's blogs (another marketing gimmick)...but what attracted me more about the entire rigmarole and crazy mudslinging going on there are 2 things:

a) I LOVE the honest opinions rolling around. I am appreciative of the fact that for the first time, we get to see the real person behind the screen persona that we are so used to and fathom all our opinions around that particular imaginary character. If the last sentence sounds complicated...stop reading after '...real person behind the screen persona...'

b) Reader comments :) I have managed to highlight a few randomly from the different blogs. I am in the process of classifying them, but thought I'd just share a few gems immediately.

I will also be posting some posts that I think are hard-hitting and give us a glimpse of the real person behind the pen.

A lot of the comments that are being posted by these readers of these various blogs have been compiled and collected by my good friend at work.

NB: This post is not intened to make fun of anyone or anyone's feelings. It's just an analysis of the pains people go through (even though they might know the English language very well) to reach out to their loved icons.

From Amitabh's blog:
  • To my surprise I never knew that your english vocab skills are so higher and higher that nobody can guess that you equally breath Hindi so well.
  • u really have perfect blend of all humanly qualities greatest fan following resumed till now
    wat to say next really a perfect idol bollywood actor liked by all agers
  • hi Amit uncle,
    m a gr8 fan of urs….for ma childhood.i hv always remind u as a strong man just like he-man.but diz days m upset wid u :( b'cause of ur atitude wid other stars….. shahrukh, aamir de are juniour of urs.. plzzdo dis .b'cause smtimes it gives us a glimps of any type of infiriority…
    actualy i wanna say dat u r a he-man…. n he-man never do so…
    plz dont mind wat i said. . . it is just wat i felt…..
  • Hello Mr. Amitabh!

    Its cool that you are writing a blog.

    I read somewhere that you are being paid a three digit sum (in crores) by bigadda to write on their blogging service. It might be true or it may not be true. But I am sure there will be some compensation for you. And you surely deserve it. With your blog, you are reaching your fans and also it is a commercial venture for bigadda.

    I would like to offer a PERMANANT PICTURE/FLAH AD in the first page right at the top in my blog. This ad will lead to your blog and also to big adda website. This ad will be permanant. All I ask for is a good compensation. I am a student and started my own blog to write personal articles. But now I also want to make money through my blog.

    So BIGB sir and BIGADDA dudes, consider my offer for a permanant Ad placement in my blog return, I need a decent compensation.

  • amitji is it necessary to work on SUNDAYS? sorry u r asking us . but now the position is like that we r asking to u?
  • Sir ji you can see me on big adda .My login ID is nananagpuri ,you can search using login ID nananagpuri.I am 22 years old guy with a lot of thinks
    thanks
  • mr bachchan, as i type this message many tears fall from my face
  • I am .. Not a big Fan off urs… but i like the WAY u r…. As even smwhere heared abt u that u r … even an ANGRY OLD MAn lol
    is tis a truth that u paid 100crors..z. for tis BLOG….. To abusz… SK…
    in it …!!

    i read smwhere in a blogs…"

The winner so far:
  • ""Dear BIG-B ji, I am Narendra; my home town is Allahabad.I want to you say that about your idea in the contribution of a new name for Allahabad. The new name will be BIG-B City. Allahabad is also known as 'Prayag'.I want to add a extra name BIG-B City following Allahabad as well as Prayag.Due to name of BIG-B City a lot of resons.I want to say that more people from Allahabad became famous or being famous ,A lot of politicians, poets,writers,freedomfighters etc born in Allahabd and have became popular ,but in the new name of My Allahabad you are pick of all because It is a true story about your name and fame.I am beginning true story I was pursuing MBA (2006-2008)in Rohtak which is CM CITY in Haryana State. I was living on rent near Police line Rohtak.I always fill my bottle of water from water cooler of Police line.First day some policemen asked me 'Are you student' and Where is Your home town.I told them yes I am student pursuing MBA in ICFAI National College(INC) which is related to ICFAI University Dehradoon(Uttaranchal).When I told them about my home town then they were wonderfull,they told me in Haryanvi local 'Are tu to Amitabh Bachchan ke gaon ka hai re, Amitabh se kabhi mila hai wo bhi tera Allahabadi hai,are tuje koi paresani hove to bata diyo,The behavior of them effected me I thought that I didn't met Amitabh Bachchan but due to the home city of Bachchan they want help me. During 2 years of College a lot of students and people respect me. After some days in my college when any person told me about my home town then I told them that my home town is BIG-B City. They were thinking that where this city in India but after few is seconds they gussed you are from Allahabad and represented in Haryanvi' Are Amitabh ke home town ka hai Tera matlab Allahabd se hai.Once upon a time I was copying my some papers in a photostate shop. I asked for giving money in our mother tongue 'Are Sir ji kitne paise huye' the owner of this shop asked me 'Tu to yaha kaa nahi lahta kaha kaa rahne wala '.I told him that I am from BIG-B City .He told me sat on my sheet 'Are tuje pata hai tu bachchan sahib ke sahar ka hai Matlab Allahabd ka hai tu .I WAS SHOKED THAT HIS EYES IN FULL OF TEARS AND HE TOLD ME;I want much Amitabh I respect you that you are from Allahabad and told me 'tujhe paakar aur teri local boli se manne bahut santi mil rahi hai jaise maine Abitabh ko pa liya hai. A lot of stories related to your fame and name,So Among all Allahabadi you are very popular in the root of country.If you do not want BIG-B City then you can change BIG-B City into Bachchan City in the written form .I will also try.I am 22 years old but I have great thinking about this name BIG-B City for Allahabad.
    I am waiting for your opinion""
The most hard-hitting piece I have read from Amitabh's blog is the one under which lambasts Khalid Mohammed for his review of Bhootnath. Wow!

"...And Khalid Mohammed who reviews the film for Hindustan Times of date, who instead of reviewing writes a personal letter to me through a public document, who wishes that I go and learn how to act from the Pune Film Institute, who laments at the only dialogue he heard in the entire film, my oft repeated ‘Haiiiiiiii’, who as director made three of the most colossal bombs in the history of Indian Cinema and who now tries to educate others in the craft, who credits the cast of the film as AB,AB AB, disrespecting the other eminent star presence, who allegedly as Editor of Filmfare, coerced the talent of his directed films to work for him in lieu of the alleged consideration of an Award, titles his diatribe -

‘TO BOO OR NOT TO BOO’

Well KHALIDA ! And this is not a gender error, but a call you respond to lovingly, when Jaya addresses you, as you spread yourself across our dining table in Jalsa, sipping our, in your own words, ‘exclusive and expensive wine’, this is what I have to say to you -

‘BOO’ !!!"

Saturday, May 24, 2008

A Storm In Our Midst - 20-20 Cricket.

Move over one-dayers; take a break five-dayers. With the shortage of time and the rush that people are in, 20-20 is a welcome change in the form of the game that we all love - cricket. It provides pure, fast-paced, adrenalin-pumping, nerve-wrecking, unadulterated, sheer entertainment.

It's good to see the greats of the game return to take the field in BCCI's brainchild - the DLF IPL T20. Were it not for this event, we would have probably never seen McGrath get pissed over inside edges, Tendulkar & Jayasuriya open the batting together, Warne bowl his flippers, Pollock bowl his economical spells...the list could go on and on.

It's a good response to Zee's Indian Cricket League. In fact, the ICL managed to get some mileage once BCCI announced it's Indian Premier League plans. Not that the ICL does not have players that are worth watching or a format that is any different from the current IPL series. It's the sheer media coverage that the IPL has received that has benefitted ICL as well. Overall, it's good for the game, and that's the bottom line.

Honestly, if you ask me, it was just a matter of time before this franchisee model took off. It's been done successfully in the US with the NBA, the Baseball Leagues, and even Ice Hockey. In fact, I was a bit surprised about the fact that it took so long for the BCCI to get this off the ground and they had to resort to this as a response to the ICL initiated by the Zee Group. Guess they must have had their own reasons.

To be very honest with you, my interest in the IPL was out of curiosity in the beginning, waned in the middle, and finally peaked with Tendulkar's return to the game. After watching a few matches in the beginning, I just felt that there was too much cricket going on and considering the fact that I am a service-class citizen, I found it a little difficult to ignore work every day for the next 2 months and concentrate on watching cricket. Suggestion to the organizers the next time around - take it easy...space it out...and for God's sake - don't force the poor guys to play in the summer heat of India in horribly humid and hot places such as Kolkata, Chennai, Delhi, etc.

I wonder what the outcome of this new format will be on the cricket lovers all around the country and the globe in general. Is it going to draw crowds away from the one-dayers and test matches? Or, on the other hand, is it going to increase the viewership of the game of cricket? Will this format of the game (20-20) be adopted all over the world in all the leagues of the cricket fraternity? Will it tire out the existing international players considering the frequency of the games being played?

Looking at the kind of money that is floating around and is involved in this tournament along with all the glitz and glamour that has become associated with this format, am just regretful of 2 things:

1 - Is cricket being commodotized? These stars and starlets, with celebrities attending the matches...somehow, it's just not reminiscent of the skill and hardcore genius that should be involved in the proceedings of the game...there's just something amiss about the whole thing - things that I miss, especially cricket!

2 - Why wasn't I born a cricketer considering the kind of money that even an under-19 player is getting? People...sit up and take notice. You want your kids to grow rich - turn your kids into cricketers and damn good ones at that.

Music Stores and Sense #6

 We all know about the 5 senses (sight, sound, smell, touch and taste), but there is a mysterious and unknown sense that we all possess, kno...