'Twas A Sultry Evening

Ok. So this is not a Mills & Boons-like post at all. In fact, it is something quite different from what the title seems to suggest.

I had arrived in Mumbai the previous night and was absolutely sleep-deprived owing to the IPL finals being played at DY Patil Stadium in Navi Mumbai. Mumbaikars will sympathise with me when they understand that I was scheduled to stay at The Trident, Nariman Point. The journey from DYP to TNP was gruesome and tiring to say the least.

However, that was the night before. This night was an entirely different story though. I had finished early from work (purposefully) and had resolved to lose some flab and exercise my slightly bulgy sinews by taking a walk down Marine Drive - The Queen's Necklace (am sure the 'freedom fighters' of the country won't be proud to hear it being called 'that' again).

Therefore, with sleeves rolled up, a strong resolve, an iPod in hand, and earphones in my ears (where else?) I commenced my short, albeit brisk walk from Trident to Pizzeria unfortunately. Yes - that's where I stopped. So much for 'losing flab'.



Anyway, before I walked into the restaurant, I noticed that there was a crowd that was flummoxed and occupied by a certain individual who had either lost his marbles, or was one of the millions of 'strugglers' in the Hindi Film Industry. At this point, I confess to being a drop in the ocean too (that of aspiring actors). Coming back to the topic at hand here, there was this long-haired, lanky, dark-skinned, 17-year old boy who was carrying out an impromptu acting performance in the middle of the pavement.

His method of acting was such:

Each act in this skit of his would last approximately 2 minutes 30 seconds. He would walk 10 steps towards the road, turn around to face the guffawing audience, brush his hair back, and start walking towards the same audience with a swagger at times and sometimes with a drunken stupor. All of a sudden, he would break into a jig, fling his arms up in the air, unzip his shirt, roll up his sleeves, and perform the Taandav. NB: Apologies for the poor quality of the video.

Each act was varied in nature and he pretended as though he actually had a film camera staring at him in the face and the audience all around him were his 'fans' who were lucky to watch the method actor perform in front of their eyes.

The entire show lasted for 1.5 hours and I was riveted to my perch on the raised cemented platform overlooking the sea admiring the zeal and enthusiasm as well as finding humor not in the actor's performance, but more in the reaction of people surrounding him.

There were groups of people who were sitting there in good humour, just trying to appease the young dolt and guffawing away, sometimes ridiculing him, and sometimes, just laughing at his idiocy.


There were people who were out for their evening walks walking around the actor so as to not arouse his desire to acknowledge them, whom he considered were fans approaching him to take his autograph.



There were young boys (of the same age) whose jealousy knew no bounds, whereby they tried to distract and irritate the young actor in a bid to disrupt the performance.

There were young girls who couldn't stop giggling, which further egged on the boy to do more and more, which eventually caused him to get his zipped shirt stuck around his head while he attempted to do a 'Salman Khan bare-all act', and in turn further increased the entertainment value that was being derived out of the performance.



There were people who were scared of what this fellow was capable of doing were he to use these people as props in his act and start beating them filmy-style or asking them questions. These people turned around immediately upon laying eyes on this 'chokhra'.

Soon, vendors too flocked the scene at realizing that a crowd had gathered and they had a better chance of selling their wares here than anywhere else on that street.

There were lovers who couldn't be bothered even if a meteorite landed right in front of them. They were oblivious to everything around them.

There were foreigners who were clearly bemused and amused at the same time on seeing this slumdog boy, who in turn, realized the opportunity of earning some dollars from the 'goras' and waved madly at them each time he saw one of them pause to take a picture or wait for him to do something dramatic, which unfortunately scared the 'goras' out of their wits and forced them to flee.



There were artists who were drawing caricatures of this creature contorting his limbs without reason and started offering them to people as proof of their expertise so that they could earn some money by being called upon to use their skills to massage the ego of a few tourists who were also admiring (or not) the antics of this crowd-gatherer.

There were people who just walked by, without blinking an eye as though it was the most normal thing in the world, with an air of "So what?"

There were men whose egos were as large as their posteriors, who to assert their upper hand over any and every situation, purposely got in the way of this artist and rapped him on the head a couple of times to show that they are in control.

There were teams of policemen who were busy cursing their bosses (for reasons that this picture will depict), catching an innocent bystander to tell him that he was jaywalking, while he was stationary all this while.



I couldn't take a picture/video of all that was going on around me because of a lack of a device, but if you ever want to experience all the facets of India and draw a parallel with things around you by just standing in one place, just turn up on Marine Drive on any sultry evening.

~ H.

PS - I hope I am still alive to read comments and respond to them after this post has been published. A thousand apologies if I have upset anyone (or anything).

Finally, a CxO.

It all started in October 2007, when a good friend and partner in crime, Arjun Kolady decided to start a new venture. A venture that within 2.5 years would reach more than 100 resilient and passionate individuals.

I have now made the elite list of the under-30s CxO contacts in India as a (brace yourself) - ''Chief Subversion Officer" for the 101-strong 'We Hate Gurgaon' group on Facebook.

I was appointed a CxO on inception, but didn't think back then when we started that this would become a meaningful position. It was just a post created to add an element of fun for all who were part of this movement (hope I don't get into trouble for saying this). Now that we have over a 100 members, the meaning of this position becomes all the more meaningful and important to me personally. I pledge my allegiance and undying loyalty to this great cause.

Will YOU be the 102nd?

~ Hef

Overawed by Singapore

Singapore at night

I was recently in Singapore for about 5 days on an academic visit (that's right - "academic"). There were a few things that I noticed that would make a large difference to the way things are done in India, if implemented. I know that this will in all probability, be a futile exercise, but the observations in itself are fantastic and have something more to it than meets the eye. You'll see what I mean.

Ever since my first visit to Singapore, the city has struck me to be one of the model cities of the world and a place that should be transformed into a case study and replicated in every city in the world. From the airport to the city (and everything in-between), there are things that amaze you and make you think that this is really how it should be. This post does not dwell so much on the common human courtesies that would include things such as letting people exit the train/elevator before boarding, giving up seats for women or for senior citizens or anyone with a slight discomfort, giving right of passage to pedestrians first, or things that we Indians have never heard of or pretend to have never heard of. This post will attempt to point out some of the more uncommon rules and policies that are particular to this country.

A necessary disclaimer is that most of these observations are my own or what have been told to me by some locals and Indian friends who now reside in Singapore. Hence, while they may be factually inconsistent with the actual rules/policies or slight variations, the fact that it could be potentially the right way of doing things is reason enough for it to be discussed and described here.

Secondly, to some, these rules may also appear to be restrictive and downright representative of a dictator regime, but the fact of the matter is that noone's complaining and everyone seems to be happy complying with the rules laid down. This is so much so that even Indians, who are naturally aggressive, unruly, and believe firmly in the concept that "rules are only made so that they can be broken", are perhaps the most law-abiding group of people to set foot in Singapore the minute they get out of the aircraft. Obviously, this behaviour undergoes a complete reversal either when they are among their own kindred in Little India or once they board the plane back to India. Anyway, getting back to the topic, here goes:

• The Changi Airport at Singapore would put the biggest mall in India to shame. Yes - it's expensive and one usually finds things there that are difficult to get in a local convenience store. That is really the basic premise of having a shopping mall. The daily needs of human beings should not be found in malls. They should be found in local stores in every neighbourhood and on every block of every street. I know of one city that definitely does not follow this basic idea and yet calls itself the 'Millennium City'.

Interiors of one of the terminals of Changi Airport

• Still with Changi airport. One terrific thing that I noticed about the airport was the fact that there are Customer Service personnel who are given a mobile workstation that is shaped like a luggage trolley and is on wheels. I guess it stems from the basic premise that a business reaches out to customers, and not the other way around. I was very impressed by this basic idea being innovatively put into motion. Mind you, they also had a stationery Customer Service desk that was manned by an individual at all times.

• Drugs are a big no-no in Singapore. You may be fined $50 for jaywalking, but if drugs are found on you, you are liable to be subjected to capital punishment, aka death by hanging or otherwise, but death nonetheless. This policy is strictly followed in this wondrous city. What it does guarantee is that drug peddlers are non-existent and schools/colleges are devoid of such substances. A big relief to a lot of parents.

• Chewing gum is banned. One of the things that will strike you immediately once you step out of the airport is the beauty of Singapore and the cleanliness on the streets. It really is exemplary. Basic rules such as this one ensures that there is no litter on the road. There are trash cans on every street corner and littering the streets can cause you to cough up a very hefty fine.

• Dirty, noisy, and inherently crowded places have been given certain designated areas to be present in. I am obviously referring to Little India and Chinatown. I shall not elaborate much on this.

• Cigarettes are extremely expensive. In the olden days, smoking was looked upon as a privilege that only the rich classes could afford. Interestingly and quite appropriately perhaps, Singapore has ensured that cigarettes should be priced beyond the means of the common folk.

• Buying a car is almost as expensive as buying a house. The government has ensured that people use as much of the public transport services as possible. Note though that the transport service systems in Singapore are immaculate, affordable, omnipresent, and super-efficient, thereby automatically reducing the need to own a car. What this particular rule also does is that keeps the traffic down to a manageable level, since it's only the super-rich who can afford to drive their own cars around. Even cabs prove to be more expensive than the other modes of transport, but that once again is to keep the locals and global citizens intermingling.

• The concept of weekend number plates. Complimenting the policy of pricing cars exorbitantly, the Government has also created the availability of weekend cars. These cars are priced cheaper than the regular ones (still not easily affordable), but have a special number plate assigned to it, which would ensure that these cars come out onto the roads only on weekends.

• Urinals have the caricature of a housefly at the base. Satisfies two purposes: a) Aiming at the housefly ensures keeps you focused and ensures that you don't splash around, b) In case you are the impatient sorts, it gives you a game to play while you go about your business.

• Politicians are legally rich and are provided for by the State. The Government have struck at the very heart of corruption by ensuring that the members of the parliament are very well provided for. Here again, the purpose is two-fold: a) A politician's role in forming rules and policies is for the welfare of the public, since his welfare is taken care of extremely well, and b) It allows the youth of the country to dream and to have ambitions of one day holding office, quite unlike to the sentiments and regard for politicians that citizens of other countries harbour.

• The State looks after it's citizens. Health, education, food, and lodging is provided for by the Government free of cost to the locals. The underlying principle is that the want of the basic necessities is the root cause behind people resorting to crime. This is perhaps also the reason why Singapore has the lowest crime rates in the world today. Needless to say, the citizens are very proud of their State and talk very highly about their global footprint, but at the same time, retaining focus on the native citizens of the country.

• If you're well-educated and employable, Singapore welcomes you with open arms and perhaps may even chase you down to become a part of the country. Getting a Permanent Residency in Singapore is not as difficult as it is in other countries of the world. They are clearly after people who can do fantastic work for the country, since not only does that ensure prosperity of the State (by way of taxes), but also ensures employment opportunities for it's existing diaspora of citizens.

• Democracy and nominated aristocracy go hand-in-hand. Singapore is a democratic state and when elections come around, there is usually a single candidate who is nominated by the members of the ruling party and is almost certain to win the elections. Usually, a lesser candidate is pitted against him, who is insignificant and present only to ensure that the spirit of democracy stays alive. In conjunction with the earlier point made of ensuring that the members of parliament stay wealthy, it is in their best interests that a person who is capable of thinking for the benefit of the public comes into power. This not only ensures their longevity in their respective positions, but also keeps them popular with the masses.

• When the son of a Permanent Resident turns 17 (provided that the son too is born a Singaporean citizen), he is bound by law to serve in the country's army for a period of at least 2 years. While this may be perceived as forced duty to the State, given the list of benefits that the country offers this son of the soil, it is only fair that the country asks people to not do what the country can do for you, but what they can do for the country. Once again, the dual benefit of this policy is that not only does this individual have his heart in the right place for his country, but it also helps in bringing about a necessary sense of discipline in the cultural upbringing of this 17-year-old. However, the fact that Singapore hasn't fought a war in centuries still doesn't deter a number of parents who are not natives of Singapore (but are permanent residents now) to leave the country just before their son turns 17 so that he doesn't have to join the army.

• Food and electricity are cheap. Bottled water and real estate are not. The reason why food and electricity are cheap is because they are the basic necessities of living in any place on Earth. Most working couples prefer eating out every day. Hence, an additional reason for keeping food prices reasonable. Mind you that even though the food prices are low, there is no compromise on quality by any means. Hygiene and convenience are the cornerstones of the food and restaurant industry in this part of the world. On the other hand, bottled water and real estate are not cheap by any standard. My guess is that the reason for bottled water being expensive is because Singapore's tap water is clean enough to be had directly from the source. Being an environment-conscious country and recognizing that water is a depleting source will do them more good than harm even though they are surrounded by water on all sides. Real estate being expensive is obviously because of the function of limited space without overcrowding and maintaining low density for various reasons.

• The Government discourages it's citizens from gambling. Singapore derives most of it's income if not all of it from tourists and it being viewed as a tourist haven. As a result, in an effort to outdo Macau, they have recently opened casinos to suit the vices of a number of otherwise harmless, compulsive gamblers. Having done that, they have also imposed a very heavy entrance fee for the locals, since their objective is to ensure that the citizens keep their hard-earned money in places better than the top of a blackjack or roulette table. Furthermore, the Government has given the right to people to ban their kin and direct relatives from casinos by a method of blacklisting by the casino management upon request.

I am quite sure that there would be quite a few rules that are not favourable to the citizens of the country (noone's perfect). However, in my apparent view of the way things function there, didn't seem to feature in the list of things that don't work well there. The quest for my next visit will be to stumble upon and discover maladies of the system to write about in my blog to give a balanced view of one of the most admirable countries in the world today.

As you would have logically concluded by now, I was completely overawed and amazed at the way this country functions, with pretty much a dumbfounded expression like the Sardarji has in the picture below, representative of the Indian in me. Oh, and yes - people in Singapore spend a lot of time in the MRTs and love their electronic gadgets and phones.

More soon.

H.

Modern Man - The Transhuman

Here's a transcript of a monologue by George Carlin - a comedic genius and poet extraordinaire. Read and identify.

"I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been input and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, riding the wave, dodging the bullet and pushing the envelope. I’m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I’ve got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!

I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up. You can’t dumb me down because I’m tireless and I’m wireless, I’m an alpha male on beta-blockers.

I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last! I’m a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I’ve got a love-child that sends me hate mail.

But, I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing-- a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I’m gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant.

I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I’m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle. I’ve been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I’ve got glide in my stride. Driving and moving, sailing and spinning, jiving and grooving, wailing and winning. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hanging in, there isn't any doubt and I’m hanging tough, over and out!"

3 Idiots & Chetak Bakbak: Yeh Kya Hui?

Following the brouhaha between Chetak Bakbak and the 3 Idiots team, Video Vinod Chopped-ra decided to get everyone in a room and decide how these differences can be settled so that he can concentrate on writing his next blockbuster with Himes bhai in the lead, titled '2010: A Greater Love Ishtory.'

The discussion is preceded by everyone ritually dancing to the groovy dance moves by the 80-year-old-looking-13-year-old.

After taking a breather, Chetak Bakbak (CB), Ameer Kan (AK), Rogered Kumar Hairaani (RKH), Abhi-jaata-hun Jyotshi (AJ), and Video Vinod Chopped-ra (VVC) were sitting in a circle with the famous single-butt-styled 3 Idiots chairs. To mediate the conversation, they called upon Chatur who insisted that the 'Balatkar' he referred to in the movie was in fact a prediction that he had made on 5th September 3 years ago, which would affect the movie post it's release.

Chatur: Maananiya atithiyo - main aapka swaagat karti. Mahabharata abhi part 2 nikali. Usme main samay ka role karti. Yaad kariye 3 years ago, isi place par, main bolti tha ki ek time aayega jab hum sab phir idhar hi milenga aur humko hamara past haunt karega. Lekin hum yeh bhi bola tha ki hum tab tak super star ban jaati aur tum log fighting karti. Haha...my prediction was ekdum theek. Ab tum kya bolti, Bakbak? bolo bolo...

CB: I am hurt.

AK: Aila, now by what?

CB: Aah...this pin that was pricking me while I was sitting. Yes - now this whole copycat thing that has been blown out of proportion... VVC/RKH - why don't you admit that you had planned this and the fact that it took Abhi-jaata-hun 3 years to write this script was because he couldn't find a pen that Ameer thought was perfect for writing?

RKH: (Silence)

VVC: Kee honda yaar? Koi gal nahin. I have referred to you in the rolling credits. Why do you want to create a scene yaar?
CB: My mumma couldn't see my name. Even I eventually found out that it was there from my millions and billions of fans in India.

VVC: Oye, your maa must have forgotten to take her spectacles with her. No wonder she was sitting in the hall for 20 minutes after the movie finished. Lack of concentration yaar - hota hai, hota hai.

AK: (Interrupting) No no Video, dil hai ki manta nahin. This is just a stunt. Chetak just wants additional publicity because the movie that I made .. err.. RKH made was so good and is a super hit. What kind of a 'purush' is he?

VVC: Chill Ameer. Main Hoon Na!

AK: Aila, why are you talking about that chhichhora who dances in marriages right now?

VVC: No baba, not him, not him. I meant me.

CB: (Crying) Something something ille. Talk about me. I am hurt.

AK: Let me speak since I am a super actor, interfering producer, ghost director, and a six-pack builder. Chetak - why are you making baat out of batangad?

CB: But Ameer, my idol (whom I will bulldoze with my pointless rant), they didn't show me the script, they didn't let me watch the film first, which is why I lost the bet with my millions and billions of fans and had to pay 350 rupees from my pocket for each person in my building's society to watch this movie. I want paisa vasool now.

VVC: But Chetak yaar, this was all part of the contract. As for allowing you to watch the movie first, I had only 3 chairs in my screening room and you wanted 1 seat for yourself, 1 for your popcorn and the last one for a mountain pile of your new book (2 states). Ameer wanted to watch the movie each time I would screen it and chop and cut and edit some scene or the other. That's why I gave one seat to your popcorn, 1 to your pile of books, and one to Ameer. That is why you lost out na? Now, don't do cheating bachcha.

CB: Oooeei maa ... that hurts too!

AK: Look - the real writer of this film is Abhi-jaata-hun Jyotshi. Talk to him. Oye, Abhi-jaata-hun, where are you?

AJ: Oh teri. Abhi aata hun.

AJ: Yes Ameer Sir. How are you sir? Sorry sir, had gone for toilet break.

AK: Arre arre no problem AJ. You know Chetak, right?

AJ: Yes Sir, of course I know Chetak. I had copied everything from his book only. Whatay book saar, whatay book! I felt love with each word I copied. I would like to give you my tohfa Chetak. Kabool karein.

CB: Mumma!

AK: Hey, AJ don't spoil the plot. Put your trousers back on. You will eventually give your tohfa to him, but for now, just hold on to whatever you have back there. I think there needs to be a change in plans. I will do all the talking from now on. VVC, RKH, and AJ - keep your mouths shut. I am a perfectionist. I will take care of it. Haan to - Chetak, bol.

CB: So, are you going to give me due credit or not? I am talking about right in the beginning of the film, before your name.

AK: Oye, watch it. I will give you my Ghajini scream, bare my body, sweat a lot, do pull-ups, and beat you up after that.

CB: Ok ok sorry Ameer. How about after your name, but mentioning that more than 70% has been copied from my book?

AK: Ummm...

VVC: (Interrupting) Nahi yaar Ameer, that will make me look like the Anu Malik of movie direction. Can I say 'initialized by Chetak Bakbak' instead?

CB: Lekin yeh 'initialized' cheez kya hai, yeh 'initialized' cheez?

AK: Dekh Chetak - you have to lose some if you want to win some. Khelna hai to khelo, warna get out.

CB: Ameer, look - I want to end this soon. I think British Dundee is catching on to our ploy.

AK: Woh taklu? Let him be. Let me tell you the problem yaar. Abhi tak feel nahi aa raha hai. You have to cry a bit more, whine a bit more, tell the media how your billions of fans are hating it and how much more your Mumma is crying. Thoda aur feel lao, aur emotions lao. By the way, the look is good huh? Unshaven look and all...achha hai accha hai. Tear your kurta a little bit the next time you go on TV, ok?

CB: Ok Ameer. So, it's a deal then. I'll whine and then you give me my spot.

AK: Yes. VVC aur RKH - theek hai na?

RKH: (silence)

VVC: Koi baat nahi yaar. Sab chalta hai, yeh bhi chala lenge. But I want tears - real ones - from your eyes, like the ones that people shed when they watched my real-life autobiography 'Kareeb'.

CB: This is too much yaar. I am threatening you now. We are on the 8th floor. I will jump down. Watch it, ok?

VVC: Arre Chetak munde, you are taking it too seriously. I was just joking. Whatever Ameer says.

AK: But there has to be some marketing buildup for this. It looks too easy right now. AJ, I have been giving you credit all along about being the script writer. Kuchh to soch na yaar.

AJ: My tohfa is always for you Ameer Saar.

AK: Chhee...keep your tohfa to yourself. Kabhi to theek se dhoya karo yaar. I only like Chatur's tohfa since he also gives me a 1+1 free offer of a silent killer fart with the tohfa. Learn something I say. Anyway, done deal Chetak.

"You cry and
we wipe it dry
but only if this issue is tweeted by Stephen Fry"

VVC: Wah wah Ameer. Kya sher hai.

AK: Woh kya hai na Video, I am practicing poetry for my next film, which is also K...k...kkkiran's directorial debut. She wants me to play a poet called Teelu and so I'm getting into the skin of the character.

CB: The one titled 'Dhobi Ghaat'? What's the connection between you being a poet and Dhobi Ghaat?

AK: Wohi toh - marketing strategy. I can't tell you now. Later later. I am doing a role of a dhobi who secretly writes lyrics for Karan Joker's movies. But all this is hush hush - theek hai na?

CB: Ok - done deal. I have a TV interview right now. Watch the way I cry and say that I don't want anything, but am hellbent on kicking up a fuss about it. Sab set hai na phir Ameer bhai?

AK: Sure sister. Pakka pakka. As an added sweetener and if you do a good job, we can talk later about one of my sequels to 3 Idiots titled "2 P's (Phunsuk and Pia)", where I will directly rip the story from your latest book and which will again be directed by VVC and RKH. We'll make it a big reunion by getting AJ to write it for us again.

CB: Oh ho...more sales for my new book. After my publisher refused to sell the book for more than Rs 95, I had to do something to make my rozi roti. This is perfect. Can't wait Ameer...can't wait. Tra la la la la. Mummy - fun is coming.

Ameer: Theek hai...accha hai...accha hai - it's all settled then. RKH?

RKH: (Silence)

Chatur: (Shocked) Arre, yeh kya hui? My Mahabharata part 2 turned out to be phuski? Yeh nahi ho sakti. Oye Phunsuk ser, I will complain to Mookes bhai and there will be another balatkar on the film about how the set was captured without his permission.

AK: Oh teri! Arre Chatur. One battle is over, but the war is left. Don't worry yaar. Stick with me and I will teach you the ropes.
VVC: Ameer is right. Jung abhi baaki hai mere dost, jung abhi baaki hai.

Chatur: Yeh jung is left? Yeh kya hui? Anyway, if you are also saying, then main maanti. But, I want a big role in the next film, haan? Nahi toh I will make your sthan my dhan.

VVC: Haan Chatur, my brother from another mother. I will give you a contract right now that you will be mentioned in my next film. Guaranteed!

AK: Chalo bhaiya, finally. Aal eez well then. Theek hai na Rogered?

RKH: (Silence)

VVC: Arre Ameer. Iski bolti bandh hai. He is still in shock after my stunner blockbuster 'Eklavya' as well as my expert media-handling styles. All settled. Aal eez well...aal eez well.