Maikalal Jaikishen is no more

I have taken the liberty to see the lighter side of things when it comes to matters such as Michael Jackson's death. This post is not intended to hurt anyone's feelings (ill or otherwise) towards him. These are just my candid views on him, which I would have written when he was alive, but just that he came back into my circumspect just recently after his death. Here I go:

Questions I wanted to ask him if I could.

a) Why were you so desperate to be a white boy?
b) Were you a boy or did you go halfway through a sex change and then changed your mind?
c) With a face like that, how come you didn't make it to any horror movie?
d) Elizabeth Taylor?? What were you thinking?
e) I could never understand what you were saying in most of your songs (Bad, Thriller, etc.) Thank God for lyrics.com. Was that on purpose?
f) Why were you always inflicting self-pain upon yourself (read: catching hold of your crotch and yowling)?
g) I liked 'Heal The World' and 'Earth Song'. Why that spark of sanity?
h) You moonwalked your way to stardom and back again. How did you manage to make a mess out of such a great career?
i) Did you like what we did with one of your songs?
j) Any kids up there? (Readers - don't kill me for this one)

RIP MJ.

Adult Franchise & My Rant About It

It's that time of the time when elections are held in India, unless Deve Gowda/VP Singh decide to do a quick round of musical chairs and make a fool out of the entire country - aka Elections..and mind you - this is not just 'yany' election - it is the BIG 'UN!

My rant today is about the ridiculous thing we have in our country called 'Adult Franchise', which was initiated by Rajiv Gandhi, for quite obvious reasons, aka youth vote bank - educated or uneducated, is again a question in itself.

Quite interestingly, my initial thought was to introduce the concept of 'Adult Franchise', and therefore, like all other things, I decided to Google it, when to my surprise, the first result that was thrown up defined it as follows:

Voting age lowered
From 21 to 18.
Victory of youth.
Victory of democracy.
No, No, No.
This is not so.
It is the conquest of the politicians.
We are merely contraceptive condoms.
More condoms in the hands of politicians.
They use us for their gains
And throw us in a vacant dustbin
After the use.

Anyway, not sure what the message was there, but a quick definition of 'Adult Franchise' is - the right to vote once a person has attained 18 years of age. I have 3/4 points against this concept, which I will list down here quickly. A quick disclaimer though - one argument presented here is that all the points denote the narrowing of the voting population in the country and might not necessarily be something that any government in India will be able to do in a million centuries, but they're my thoughts on what it should be/have been. Please bear with me.

1. Attaining 18 years of age does not necessarily certify you to be of 'sound mind'. Nowhere in the definition of this term is mentioned about the fact that you at least need to be of 'sound mind'. Therefore, a retarded person/mentally challenged person also has the right to vote. I wonder how accurate this person's judgement would be.
   
2. You cannot get married at the age of 18. The underlying reason (apart from the fact that you should be studying) is that a person cannot handle the pressures of supporting a family at this point in his/her life. Ok - am in agreement. But, does this mean that at the age of 18, this same person is expected to handle matters of the nation by electing a suitable representative?
3. Why is '18' such an important number. Why have an adult franchise based on age at all? Why can't the adult franchise be based on the education qualification of an individual. We have tests for IPS, IAS, Law School, IIMs, heck - even before we get admitted into primary school, we have to give a certain test. It's funny that we are being asked to choose the leaders of our nation and yet the government/constitution doesn't care what is the caliber/capability of this individual? People should either be asked to give an IQ test before voting (a quick 3-question test), or anyone who has graduated from high school (class 12 equivalent) should only be allowed to vote.
4. Better still, more logical, but narrowing it further down (which might not necessarily be bad for the country) - why shouldn't only the taxpayers be allowed to vote and choose the people who are going to handle their hard-earned money that they pay in the form of taxes to the government. This would constitute only ~4% of the population, but clearly, this is the population that funds the country. Why should a person who swindles all, earns cash/doesn't earn at all be given the right to decide who should handle the taxpayer's money and what should be done with it?

Would love to hear your thoughts. Blurt now!

Taka...taka (money...money)

Recession, huh? Cash rains down on Chowringhee in raid panic: courtesy The Telegraph

Money may not grow on the Maidan trees but it sure can fall from the Chowringhee sky, salesman Gopi Narayan Kundu learnt on Wednesday. Kundu was at work in a sari showroom on the ground floor of the 21-storeyed Everest House, on Jawaharlal Nehru Road, when a red wastebasket landed with a thud on the pavement outside the shop’s glass door around 12.50pm. The basket contained Rs 3.82 lakh in bundles of Rs 100, 500 and 1,000 and some loose cash, discreetly thrown out of an office 14 floors above in the midst of an income tax raid. Why was it raining cash on a Chowringhee pavement in recession-hit times? Praveen Moosaddee, the middle-aged businessman to whom the cash belonged, had apparently telephoned one of his employees in the office during the raid to say that he should empty the safe and throw out the money in a basket. Moosaddee would wait on the pavement in front of the building to collect it. The lakhs landed where they were meant to but Kundu and his colleague Amit Sarkar’s cries of “taka… taka (money… money)” led to a crowd assembling on the pavement before the businessman could reach the spot to lay his hands on the consignment from the sky. From food vendors and shopkeepers to passers-by and tie-clad executives, everyone who was there stopped whatever they were doing to crowd around the basket. A few hands reached out for the cash but Kundu and Sarkar wouldn’t let anyone pick up even a loose note. “Please don’t touch the money. Let’s find out to whom it belongs,” the duo said. Another employee of the sari showroom, S. Ahmed, called Shakespeare Sarani police station. Moosaddee meanwhile broke through the cordon to lay claim to the cash. “Do you have proof that the cash is yours?” one of the salesmen asked. The businessman took out a visiting card and introduced himself as the director of Sandip Mech Engineers Ltd, a firm that manufactures spare parts for heavy machinery, with its office on the 14th floor of Everest House. “The basket accidentally fell from the hands of one of my employees,” Moosaddee said. He also declared that the basket contained over Rs 3.5 lakh in cash. The notes were counted and the result — Rs 3.82 lakh — convinced everyone that the cash did belong to the businessman. They handed him the basket and off went Moosaddee with his money — but in the wrong direction. Kundu told Metro that they got suspicious when Moosaddee headed towards the Shakespeare Sarani crossing instead of entering Everest House. “Where are you going? Didn’t you say your office was in this building?” someone asked, prompting Moosaddee to take to his heels. Two police officers who had reached the spot by then ran to stop the businessman and asked him to take them to his office for verification. “We were surprised to discover that an income tax raid was on. We handed the cash and the businessman over to the tax officials after getting him to sign a declaration,” one of the police officers told Metro. Sources said houses owned by Moosaddee in Salt Lake and New Alipore were raided, too. The raid on the Everest House office was led by the deputy commissioner of the income tax department’s central circle, Nicholas Murmu. Weren’t Kundu and his colleagues tempted by the big money that came tumbling down, even for a moment? “Everything happened so fast that it never crossed my mind. I was more worried about a bomb landing on the pavement when I heard the thud,” chuckled the sari salesman. - yeah right!!! (my 2 cents) - Hef.

What's the Point?

'Slumdog' kids Ismail and Rubina gifted flats

Found this article and was repulsed immediately. The movie was about a few kids who grew up in a slum in Mumbai. It displayed the troubles that the people in the slums normally go through. Yet, once again, the Government decided to do their bit by further increasing the gap between the rich and the poor by 'gifting' flats to 'Slumdogs' Rubina and Ismail (I didn't call them 'Slumdogs', the article did) from the movie, and very conveniently, forgot about the rest of the inhabitants of the slum areas and the non-actors.

I ask you - What's the point?

Talk about bridging the socio-economic gap. ha!

They just lost my vote - not that I have voted in the past or would have voted in the future in the first place - atleast in this corrupt, excuse of a country.

I ask you - What's the point?

- Hef

Name Change? Vote Now!

In the afternoon today, I was trying to see if hefspeak.com was up for grabs so that I could register my domain and have some ads run on my site (no harm in making some money while I write - right?). Fortunately, I found that the domain name 'hefspeak.com' was available and would have cost me only INR 349/year. I was about to press the checkout button and key in my credit card details, when I heard a voice behind me, which said "What are you buying?' That, ladies and gentlemen, was my wife who keeps track of each and every move I make without letting me know at all times.

I explained my intent to her and asked her if it made sense for me to buy a domain name or not for the reason I pointed out above + the fact that it would look good - "Visit hefspeak.com for more details..." She seemed to buy the idea, but jokingly added "What's the point in having a website whose name I cannot even disclose to my parents?" I was stumped. I mean - although I have explained that Hefner was a name given to me by my colleagues at work in Hyderabad, does it still come across as a name that is too self-praising (or not), adulterous, vain, vulgar, difficult to believe, or am I just imagining too much?

While most of us netizens who are familiar with the ways of the Internet would understand why I have a pseudo-name, would the people who are on the other side of the fence and more particularly, the older generation think of me as a sleazy Indian male pornstar? This might be an insignificant fraction of all the people who might read this blog or even have heard about it, but just thinking out loud here... would it make sense for me to blog in my own name rather than call myself Hef?

Keeping in trend with the times (election time), vote to the right and let me know what you think.

~ Hef (or maybe not)

Santa Minus Banta

Merry Christmas to one and all who read this post (and don't). It's funny when you think about the fact that we Indians are such a sentimental race of people. When the US Economy plunges into disaster... so do we; when the World Trade Center gets hit...we feel the pain; when Obama gets elected...we celebrate; when it's Christmas...we spread the cheer.

Maybe it's this quality that keeps us apart from the rest of the world. The constant habit of wondering and being worried about what's going on in our neighbour's house as compared to our own has kept us going strong into this new millenium. Aping the West has truly never been more apt and truer to use in the sense of the word.

Anyway, coming back to the topic - there are certain things I like about Christmas. Here's a list of things I love about this time:

• I especially like the fact that it's a holiday and I can get out from bed when I feel like and not because of the compulsion of going to work. 
• I love the fact that there's something special in the air around this time and New Year's. 
• Noone works... everyone is planning a holiday or a visit back home.
• Bagging the last minute shopping deals meted out by every store (and industry) in the world.
• Great Bollywood, and where available, Hollywood releases.
• This song - Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree. Might be a little late in the post, but let this song keep playing in the background while you read this post and you'll know what I'm talking about.
• The cold (unless you're in Mumbai or the Southern Hemisphere).
• The concept of Santa Claus.
• The excitement in Convent Schools where everyone is scuttling around to produce a play, sing Christmas carols, and get to eat cake at the end of it all.
• Schools/colleges breaking for Christmas and the New Year.
• The fact that we're only 6 days away from yet another Holiday.
• And finally, the belief that all that is good and fun originated in India (including Christmas) as wonderfully portrayed by this video.

Things I feel could be better about Christmas:

• Loud, blaring music from speakers (esp in Gurgaon - yuck!) belting out songs such as 'Zara Zara Touch Me Touch Me Touch Me', 'Jee Karda Bhai Jee Karda', at unbearable volume levels.
• People getting drunk unnecessarily and blaming it on the spirit of the times.
• Indigenous Radio channels converting 'Jingle Bells' into 'Jingle Beliye' (in Punjabi - beliye = lover).
• Elves of this sort (wait for the video to reach the fag end)
• Stupid kids expecting, nay demanding, that latest, hippest mobile phone device from Santa Claus (read parents).

Well - to each his own. Have a Merry Christmas!

~ H0 Ho Ho Hef.

How To Make A Fool Of Oneself

While everyone is writing about the Mumbai terrorist attacks, I just thought that it would make more sense for me to write on anything but that. It's funny how we tend to go overboard, over-sensationalizing an event. While I agree that it might have hurt a lot of people and it definitely did affect me too, it sometimes tends to get irritating that no matter which channel you watch, no matter which newspaper you read, no matter which blog you decide to track down, no matter which article you read on your Google Reader, it always comes back to the same thing - 'The Mumbai Terrorist Attacks'

I think it's high time people got along with their lives and figured out that they should do something in order to avoid a terrible situation like that, instead of writing about it of all things. Yes - there will be that initial reaction of the public to voice their opinion, or pen it down, but this can be effective only to a certain extent. Do your bit - and if you ask me that question, 'What can I do to change things' and don't have an answer for it, don't waste your time penning down your opinions, because frankly, they don't make a difference to anyone.

I am upset with the way we as a country have handled this debacle. Let's stop blaming the government for these things. Instead, we should at this time stand behind the government and resolve to take matters into our hands and deliver what is due to these enemies of society - destruction. Instead, here we are blaming Shivraj Patil, Vilasrao Deshmukh, and now, even Ram Gopal Varma for no reason whatsoever. Who could have foreseen such a situation. What wrong did Deshmukh do to walk in with his son and RGV - are they not citizens? Are they not concerned? Does the public really think that RGV was there just to figure out whether he could translate this incident into a movie...and even if he did - what's wrong with the thought?

This is exactly why we bear the brunt of these terrorist attacks time and again - it's the sheer lack of solidarity that we display to the entire world. We start pointing fingers at people and blaming them for any lapses. We are the same people who when frisked at malls/establishments, contort our faces and get irritated at the security agencies doing their jobs and exclaiming 'If I wanted to get a bomb in, would I put it in the boot of my car?' Well, guess what happened at the JW Marriott in Pakistan?

Let's stop pointing our phalanges towards other people and institutions and instead, be self conscious and start tolerating a little more than we do as described above. Remember, when you point a finger at someone else, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you. Be cognizant of the fact that all the commandoes of the world will not make a difference until and unless you yourself are dilligent and aware enough about your surroundings.

I am not trying to say in any way that these terrorist attacks could have been prevented. It could only have been done by God, if at all, for none of us have the foresight to predict such events. It's important for the citizens of this country to instead come together as a stolid figure and quash these terrorist attacks. Yes - there will be more attacks...it's a way of life and no security of any degree can prevent that. Maybe we too should go to war and wipe out all the fanatic Islam outfits that exist in the world and maybe even get rid of Pakistan if we have to.

The thing that saddens me is that even if we were to do that, so immature are we as a country that we will get into an argument about something or the other internally for sure. We were just not ready for independence when we got it. I am meandering a little bit, but that's where this mess has really stemmed from. Face it, we are still divided as a country, as a race, as a nation. This is nothing but encouragement for any terrorist outfit and attacks will continue to happen as long as we remain this way.

Let's not cry ourselves hoarse and blame government after government for the mess that we ourselves are responsible for. What could we have done do you ask? Well, what could anyone have done for that matter is what I ask you. You can argue for the sake of argument, but can you give me an answer to that question - if so, let's crown you king of India and see how many fingers are pointed at you when something does go wrong.


~ Hef.