The Scheme to Cure 43.4 Million Choking Lungs: Delhi's #OddEven Plan (or the lack thereof).

Delhi is a city that’s always been in the news for all the wrong reasons. From rising crime rates to rising (and hence deadly) pollution levels and everything inbetween, discounting politics almost entirely since that’s just fodder for everyday cacophony on news channels.

The Delhi Government heralded by Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) recently announced that the commuters of Delhi will need to follow the system of alternating between odd-numbered and even-numbered vehicles. They’re giving this a 15-day trial-run. The only people who will perhaps gain from this are the law enforcers who will ‘challan’ commuters at the drop of a hat, provided they are able to tell the difference between odd and even numbers, although given the potential amount of money that they’ll make, math tuitions and YouTube videos are going to be the flavor of the day.

Bizarre punishments of handing out roses to violators of this odd/even rule is not only laughable, but also immature and will be looked upon by the public at large as a gimmick and a stunt for AAP to tom-tom on Twitter and the like. Similarly, exempting women and bikes (or anyone/anything for that matter) from this ‘plan’ is providing immunity where it’s not required and promotes discrimination in a law that is meant for the habitants of Delhi/NCR, which renders this ‘test’ as a limited and a partial one at that.

In isolation, this plan/program/test/rule is destined for failure and will cause more inconvenience than providing the people of Delhi relatively cleaner air to breathe. One can only assume that the Government has already given thought to the points below and their’s work underway to address these points.

1) The cost of purchasing a car in India is very affordable by the middle-class people in Delhi/NCR relative to the rest of India (and even the world), what with the flexible and convenient EMI schemes that banks and financial institutions offer. This will almost ensure that one-car households will soon become two-car households and will cause more traffic due to the lack of parking some time very soon.

2) The concept of car-pooling is alien in India. Giving ride to strangers in your car is akin to what private cab drivers tend to do for quick cash and is looked upon with disdain. Not to mention, the safety aspect is going to be a main concern for people, especially the womenfolk in the area that this rule is being implemented/tested out in. I am a frequent user of public transport and prefer that method, but in Delhi, riding with strangers or using public transport is absolutely out of the question.

3) Public transportation is not only inadequate, but also lacks coverage especially in the satellite cities which are far-flung and large.

4) The main cause of traffic + pollution in Delhi/NCR are the corporations that are housed in Delhi, Noida, and Gurgaon that employ workforces that would put factories of yore to shame. The first thing that the Government should have looked at implementing (or perhaps they already are), is making it compulsory for companies that employ more than 150 people in a single location to organize and maintain a fleet and schedule of deluxe buses/shuttles and almost incentivize their employees to ride in these. Building parking centers at a place where people can park their cars and then board these buses would also be a welcome addition.

5) Car-riding services such as Uber and Ola need to be encouraged to introduce carpool services in Delhi/NCR (and across India) rather than being threatened consistently and continuously with the consequence of being shut down on flimsy grounds when these services have proved time and again that they are safe, reduce traffic, increase employment, and are loved by consumers wherever they operate. Checks and balances do have to be in place and as long as they comply, they should be encouraged to innovate and experiment, as well as pilot new ways of improving commuters lives in India.

6) Incentive schemes also need to be created for the public to encourage them to be more efficient in their usage of transportation. Cheaper fuel for cars that carpool 5 days out of 7, creating dedicated car-pool lanes, encouraging resident complexes to promote carpooling in their communities by offering them Municipal tax breaks, are just some of the ways in which I think carpooling in general can be promoted rather than an archaic system of an odd/even rule.

Basing the premise of this rule on a simple philanthropic acknowledgement of reducing pollution and pollutants is not going to bring about any positive change when it comes to the regular commuter and the woes that they undergo on a daily basis, that of traffic and time spent on the road. Delhi needs to address this, but the lawmakers’ expectation of getting the public to adapt themselves to a crippled and incomplete solution is perhaps not the right answer. The only solace one can find is that this is a test run and that the Government will learn from this and use this opportunity to make this viable and convenient for the people of the national capital and home to 43.4 million choking lungs.

Madness in the name of Our Lord - The Indian Way

It's Holi today. For people unfamiliar with the word, it's the festival of colors where people in this country and their genetic protoplasm spread all around the world like a virus, shed their inhibitions and emerge like the Lochness Monster that's been lying dormant throughout the year spraying color and drinking unbelievable amounts of 'bhaang' (Indianized alcohol, that is deemed and believed to be holy, quite conveniently of course).

Here's a more, real description of what this day usually is like for Indians all over the world.

It's funny how we Indians believe that if there is an occasion to be happy about, they need everyone around them irrespective of caste, creed, and sex to be involved in their happiness. Well, 'forced to be involved' is more like it.

Loud music, unruly behavior, drunken stupor, creating a nuisance, disturbing the peace, forcing down one's beliefs and faith down other people's throats - these are the features of any Indian occasion. How and why are these such important elements of celebrating a festival? You're happy - good. Stay happy in your own home. Mess up your own compound, make a noise in your room, play loud music with your earphones on, spray color on yourself, your family, heck...even your dog. The fact that you're happy doesn't warrant you the right to impose your happiness on me.


Naturally, the rowdier elements of society use this opportunity to threaten the innocent passerby & demand money. But then that's an entirely different matter and doesn't even deserve a separate post since that's really their nature and enough has been written and said about it already.

Funnily enough, this is a day when the lower working class of the Indian population forget which religion they believe in and all of them make it a point to be punctual at the households they work in, are at their best behavior, with a smile upon their faces which is otherwise a contorted countenance on most other days.  There is only one factor that brings about this sea-change in their behavior - 'baksheeh' or money. They consider it their right to partake some money that they feel is rightfully theirs on this auspicious occasion. It is the same set of people who in times of national crises or when it's important for people to keep their wits about them, are up in arms citing religious differences as their main grouse and go about killing people in the name of this sudden attachment to their religious selves and texts alike. Hypocrites - all of them.

Every coin has two sides and if you think about it, this is one festival where this madness results in unity of some sort, where people don't distinguish between each other in terms of skin color or just color in general for that matter.

Coming back to the point. If you're happy about something - keep it to yourself. If someone wants to be a part of that happiness, they will come to wherever you are and join you in your reverie. If someone doesn't feel the need to, or the want either to be part of this artificial day-long craziness, leave them be. Stop that loud music, irrational behavior, crazy drunkenness, and make life normal for people who prefer to celebrate their festival in peace and in the comfort of their own homes. In short (and generalizing it a little bit), GROW UP!

Expedition to Dilli Haat

Sunday afternoon and what better way to spend it than go to Dilli Haat? No - that's not my idea of fun at all. A long drive, hot, crowded, and walking around aimlessly is not exactly my idea of a relaxed Sunday. I had to go - don't ask me why. I can't talk about it here, in fear of a certain someone learning how to find my blog and read about it, and then ask me about it, and then...just too many risks involved here.

Anyhow, getting back on topic. I had assumed that it being a Sunday, the roads would be free of traffic, I could reach Dilli Haat, sip on a cool Thums Up, and spend the rest of the afternoon near the Food Village, trying out cuisines belonging to different states. I was totally off my mark. Here's an account of what happened:

• The roads were extremely busy, thanks to some road being repaired because of the Metro construction.
• I had to struggle to park because of the complete lack of parking facilities.
• I forgot to carry any money on me and my ego forbid me to borrow money from anyone else.
• The ATM wouldn't accept my Citibank debit card and kept spitting it out, while telling me to come back after 24 hours if I still wanted to withdraw any money.
• I eventually had to walk a kilometer in the sun to find another ATM and discovered that there was another one not more than 100 meters from the first one (in the opposite direction though).
• I bought the tickets after standing in a queue for 20 minutes behind Punjabi mundas fighting with the lady at the ticket counter to let a child in for free (who obviously didn't qualify for it according to the rules).
• Shopping happened. I was tired just standing there watching all the haggling that was going on. My company (wife and her mum) gleamed at every 5 rupees they saved, while I hoped against hope that there would be an air-conditioned stall somewhere around that I could go to and pretend to be interested in the stuff that they were selling.
• I finally got to the Food Village and ordered Veg Chow and Aloo Dum with Thums Up (of course), only to be told that all orders would take at least 45 minutes.
• I was attacked by a colony of ants and flies who were hellbent on polishing off the remnants of fish 'bhetki'. I am a vegetarian.
• The food took exactly an hour to reach me. I had finished two 500ml bottles of Thums Up by then. Bye bye diet.
• We got up to the sounds of the band playing 'Pukarta Chala Hoon Main', which was the highlight of my visit to a place that I had grown to abhor. Here's the video
• On our way out, concerned about how late we were getting, we spent another hour looking at bedcovers and cushion covers.
• When we reached the parking lot, my wife discovered that she had lost the parking ticket and the guy there wouldn't let me leave without paying him an additional 20 to 30 INR for 'chai paani'.
• Before leaving, it was decided that we would have to return there before the 5th as there was just so much (more) to get.

I passed out.

~ Hef